Because ain’t it a little biotch…
Ah, imposter syndrome. It’s a funny old feeling, that I don’t wish on anyone. Recently, I’ve been feeling imposter syndrome since my Refinery 29 article came out. From the day the article launched, a rush of traffic came to my blog, I gain a lot of followers on Instagram and an outpour of love from you lovely lot. And from that moment, I felt like a fraud. The worse thing about imposter syndrome is that your heart is telling you well done, you deserve it. But your head is not getting why you’re getting this love and congratulations and is telling you that you don’t deserve it.
WHAT IS IMPOSTER SYNDROME?
For a definition, imposter syndrome is the belief that you’re an inadequate and incompetent failure despite evidence that indicates you’re skilled and quite successful. It’s something that we millennials have been experiencing more than any other generation. Research suggests that this is because we are members of the trophy generation, raised by parents who send mixed messages- alternating between over-praise and criticism. Into the working/career stage of our lives, many feel that we have ‘something to prove’. The feeling that we must always validate our talent, credentials and accomplishments. Something that I can wholeheartedly relate to. And can you blame us with the perception from the other generations? In a recent survey, only 39% of respondents perceive Millenials as hard workers.
The type of imposter syndrome I feel is the perfectionism type. As a type-A person, we set excessively high goals to achieve. When we fail to reach them, we experience major self-doubt and worry about measuring up. When we do reach our goals, we doubt that we work hard enough to achieve this and do we deserve the reward we are getting. It’s a fun cycle.
There are some ways that you can deal with imposter syndrome and how to lessen the symptoms and really own your achievements.
WATER YOUR OWN GRASS.
This was a quote I came across recently that was eye-opening to me.
‘I’m too busy working watering my own grass to notice if yours is greener.’
It’s something that blew my mind and something that as an influencer I very much relate to. It’s a great way of telling your mind and a good reminder to focus on your own endeavours and don’t get distracted by what others are doing.
Whenever I wonder why I’m not doing as well on my blogger journey compared to others or why someone has that opportunity that I wanted, that’s normally when I enter the spiral of the mental lists why I don’t deserve to be at their level. When I get to this stage, I take a deep breath and look back at my blog or feed. It’s a physical timeline for me as to where I was, and how far I’ve come since then. Normally at this point, I throw myself into creating something new of the blog and nurturing my own corner of the internet. There will always be someone “better” than you in some way, but nobody is better at being you than you. Water your own grass before stressing about what everyone else is doing.
OWN YOUR HUSTLE.
As successful, bad-ass women, often our achievements are written off as a matter of luck or timing. I know that many times I’ve been told that I was just lucky for some of the things I have I’ve done. Whilst it’s easy to roll your eyes at these peoples comments- I have to ask. Are you shouting out about your achievements? Don’t be afraid to talk about your wins. You got that promotion because you worked hard for it. Your article was published because you put pen to paper and put in the work. You did the work, you’ve got the smarts, you put in the time and money, you stayed the late nights, you came up with the big idea. 100% you deserve this you bad-ass!
FEAR IS BORING.
An important thing to remember always is that fear will creep up the second you try something new. It’s a natural reaction to the unknown. What’s not okay is when you let that fear dictate how you navigate that experience. Something that I’m working on is that when scary self-doubt rolls in, try and embrace it and keep on living your amazing, unique life. Fear will always be chattering in the background, but that doesn’t mean you always have to listen.
The most important thing to always tell yourself on repeat is that you’re not an impostor or a fraud. You deserve to be heard and you’re allowed to explore, dream, discover, change, and expand. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be flawlessly you. Listen to the words of Beyonce, she knows what she’s talking about.
You’ve got this you amazing lovelies.